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Blog, depression, personal story

Eve of Pentecost

The actual anniversary of my baptism was May 11th, but Pentecost is a little later this year; it’s tomorrow – so as of tomorrow, it will be a full Church year since the morning I was baptised. It rather looks as though the weather tomorrow will recapture that day last year; bright, sunny and warm.

It’s been a bit of an odd year, full of ups and downs. Once again I’ve come full circle, only a little higher up the mountain than I was before – a spiral path.

Freda will be coming with me to church tomorrow; it would seem odd somehow not to be there on Pentecost, even though our attendance recently has been sporadic at best (thanks to various home dramas including our bathroom floor collapsing, amongst other things). My attendance record recently is one of several things bothering me, giving the black dog yet another thing to wrestle me with. I think I knew on an intellectual level that baptism would not bring an end to my years of spiritual wrestling, but un an unconscious level perhaps I had hoped that burden would somehow be lifted from me. But faith does not work like that. Baptism isn’t a magic wand that lifts all doubt from one’s shoulders; I am still the same person that I was the night before Pentecost last year.

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About arkadyrose

Genderqueer artist, singer, musician, writer, tailor, mead-mazer and doll crafter living in Walthamstow, NE London. Periodically develop obsessions with various topics; currently it's Paganini, previously Ancient Greece and Alexander the Great, but also fascinated by Ancient Egypt and Romano-British culture. Christo-Pagan.

Discussion

One thought on “Eve of Pentecost

  1. Dear Arkady, it’s Helen again, doing my periodic check of your spiritual journey. I’m finding it difficult to read your blog in its present blackness, I hope the colour does not reflect your mental state. It is also quite hard to write, for the same reasons.
    Congratulations on the first anniversary of your water baptism, at Pentecost last year. It is good to remember and celebrate and remembering Pentecost makes it easier.
    The churches I attend are not liturgical and so don’t have a ‘church calendar’ to create a continual annual remembrance. However, the church I went to last Sunday had a guest speaker whose ministry is to pray for people to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, which was what the disciples received on the original Christian Pentecost. She spoke first about the Scriptural basis for expecting the gift of the Holy Spirit, then prayed for everyone who wanted it, even the children, to receive the Holy Spirit with evidence of speaking in Tongues (prayer language).
    I did not know till later that it was actually Pentecost Sunday. I am hoping the Baptist church I usually attend will decide to ask this pastor to come and speak to them. In my opinion they really need more of God than they currently want!!
    For your own sake and for Freda, please keep on keeping on with your spiritual walk. You can see that in spite of difficulties you have grown spiritually. It is true that change often takes time and there may be more than one reason for what we may perceive as ‘slow progress’ in healing and spiritual growth.
    I don’t know what your churches view is regarding the reality of negative spiritual beings whose agenda is always to hinder the Christian’s journey, make it seem hopeless, pull down their faith, and exacerbate physical, mental and emotional pain and dis-ease.
    I know many churches and and Christians who just don’t want to believe that the activities of the demonic could be true. However, ignorance or denial is not going to prevent these things from adversely affecting those who are connected to the LORD Jesus Christ, particularly if they have previously been connected to forces opposed to Jesus Christ. It is wise for those in that situation to actively seek removal of negative influences and entities from their life. I hope your church is one where leaders are able to pray to set people free of negative spiritual stuff, it is such an important aspect of Christianity. It may be worth you getting some prayer for the depression.
    As usual my thoughts and prayers remain with you. Every blessing, Helen

    Posted by Helen | Saturday, June 6, 2009, 2:17 pm

Arkady Rose

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