The actual anniversary of my baptism was May 11th, but Pentecost is a little later this year; it’s tomorrow – so as of tomorrow, it will be a full Church year since the morning I was baptised. It rather looks as though the weather tomorrow will recapture that day last year; bright, sunny and warm.
It’s been a bit of an odd year, full of ups and downs. Once again I’ve come full circle, only a little higher up the mountain than I was before – a spiral path.
Freda will be coming with me to church tomorrow; it would seem odd somehow not to be there on Pentecost, even though our attendance recently has been sporadic at best (thanks to various home dramas including our bathroom floor collapsing, amongst other things). My attendance record recently is one of several things bothering me, giving the black dog yet another thing to wrestle me with. I think I knew on an intellectual level that baptism would not bring an end to my years of spiritual wrestling, but un an unconscious level perhaps I had hoped that burden would somehow be lifted from me. But faith does not work like that. Baptism isn’t a magic wand that lifts all doubt from one’s shoulders; I am still the same person that I was the night before Pentecost last year.